If you’re making your way into a community (such as this one) and you encounter people promising what you want (anything really) for “favors”, such as pictures of yourself, money, or personally identifying information, cut off ties and get as far away from them as possible. Those are people trying to take advantage of you, and you don’t want to end up in a sticky situation, or worse.

On a lesser note, there are also warning signs that are a bit more subtle. Be wary of things like:

• Isolation: If someone is trying to force you apart from social groups and others, in order to get you by yourself, that is a BIG red flag right there, and a sign of controlling and manipulative behavior to come.  

• Silencing: If you’re always being told to shut up, or that your ideas are not the right ones, and it’s implied that you should just follow blindly, you may be in the presence of a dangerous person or group. This is different from, say, a moderator of a group telling you you’re causing confusion, a debate, or people telling you to adhere to forum rules-in this case, you could say you like flowers because they’re pretty, and you’d be told that you’re wrong).

• Groupspeak: If you’re in a group, is there this hivemind that seems to prevail there? Does everyone parrot the same opinion, and opposing ideas? Do people who deviate from the norm get chastised? Are there “big scary consequences” for breaking the rules? (for example, if you don’t listen to what the group says, does someone threaten that “something bad will happen to you?”)

• Worrying: Does the group or person in question have an end-of-the-world scenario constantly going on? Is the veil always about to break? Are you part of a chosen team, made to save the world? These are, not always but often enough, tactics of manipulation, made to take you on an ego trip, and make you feel bonded to the person. 

• Emotional manipulation: Does the person act so sweet and kind to you on their good days, but on their bad days, they’re cursing you out and trying to blackmail you? Do they threaten to out your most cherished secrets when that happens, and do they pin the blame on you? Are their reactions to simple disagreements overblown? (For example, getting into an argument over the color of a book, and the person threatens to show your address to the world and frame you for something)

• Pushing for Real World Interaction: Is the person always saying something like, “We should meet up!” even though you’ve litterally just met them? Do they seem overly eager to see you in person in ways that seem unusual?

 

If someone or a group you know fits more than two or three of the bullets above, be very wary and careful. You could very well be in an unhealthy group or know an unhealthy individual. 

Be double wary when and if you share some “traits” with the group: While it may be wonderful and grand to meet another werewolf of the same type as you, for example, it makes it that much easier for the person on the other end to manipulate you, if they so choose. Not to say everyone you meet that is like you is going to be like that, but there are dangerous people in every community, and you never know who you may run into. Even if you feel like you may share some bond together, even if you feel like these people will be friends with you forever, even if you consider them family, if they show many signs of the above, of being dangerous and possibly unreasonable, there is no other option than to forget about them. Stop talking, cut off communication (which is hard, but necessary) and find some other people who actually care about you. 

And last but not least, here are some basic safety tips for anyone making friends and socializing online:
 

• When you join a new community, wait a while before you start socializing and going in depth with personal details. Look back at past logs/forum posts, if there are any, and get a feel for the community. Want to say something, but not sure how it will be received? Look around!

• Watch what you share. Be careful and make sure you don’t share too many personal details with others. Two good guidelines for sharing are “Don’t share anything you wouldn’t be comfortable with showing your grandma”, and to share things as if you were a secret agent-if you had to leave the community right then and there, what would you be comfortable leaving behind? What would give away too much about your real identity? Is what you’ve said creating a trail that anyone can follow, using Google, to find you?

• When in doubt, go with your gut. If you feel a community is not up to par, for whatever reason, feel free to leave. 

 

I know it’s easy for abuse to occur in any community, whether it’s the shifter community or elsewhere, and it helps to be safe and careful. Feel free to share this around, if you want to.